Part 4: special someone

It’s been a week and five days. Now, the restaurant had been properly set up. Hitori had been waiting all morning for the food to come. When the food had finally come, he started to get busy arranging them in the refrigerator and down the cabinets. His assistants are there too to help him. He ordered them around of where to place things and all. He never ordered people around before so he always uses his polite and soft intonations.

While they are busy doing their work, Tanou came down wearing his back-pack. He only smiles to Hitori and Hitori smiles back at him. He already told him last night that he’ll be going to Hokkaido for his assignment’s presentation. He didn’t say when he’ll be back though and Hitori didn’t even bother to ask. Hitori only watches his car drove off from the parking lot.

Soon after that, Mrs. Takahashi arrived. Hitori greets her happily and respectfully.

“Good afternoon, Madam… How are you?” Hitori asked.

“Good afternoon. I’m good. How about you?”

“Good. Everything’s going well…”

“The business will start tomorrow. People had started booking. Ganbatte ne! I’m counting on you!” She said, looking rather excited.

“Yes! I will!” Hitori said convincingly.

“Are you getting along well with Tanou-kun?” She asked, wondering.

“Oh yes… He’s really nice…” Hitori said.

“Is he here?”

“Nope. He had just gone out. He said he’ll be off to Hokkaido. Something about his presentations.” Hitori explained.

“Oh… I didn’t have a chance to see him at all. I’m busy and he rarely been at home since he found you here, you know? He used to only stay here for a day or two but now, he stayed here all week. Are you having an affair with him or something?” Mrs. Takahashi said looking curious and excited at the same time.

“What?! No, no. How could we?” Hitori said in shock.

“Oh… I thought you do… Sorry for my bad thought. It’s just that he had been open-minded over a lot of things. He ever dated a guy before, you know? … It’s not that I mind. It’s just that I’m worried about him. But then again, if it’s you he’s dating, I’m fine with it!” She said happily, laughing her heart out.

Hitori didn’t know what to say. Are they like this real big happy open-minded family or something? He thought.

***

Hitori will be busy after this for sure. He quickly walks home from school. The restaurant is his home now, he felt like it. He even thought of pursuing this job after school. He really liked it there especially when Tanou is around.

He stopped walking suddenly thinking of Tanou. Will he be back this time? He thought. It’s been three days of his absence. Hitori began to feel like the hole is getting bigger inside his heart. It is a black hole… It was small at first. But as days passed, the hole is getting bigger and bigger. It kind of feels like… emptiness…

He reached the restaurant. He quickly opened the door and locked it back. He then went straight upstairs. It’s 4 p.m. now. The assistant chefs won’t be there until five. As he reached the door, it had already been opened and Tanou is inside.

Tanou looks at Hitori and smiles; “welcome back…”

Hitori too, smiles; “welcome back, too…” He said and went inside placing his back-pack on the floor near his Japanese table.

“Thank you, Hitori…” Tanou said suddenly.

“Aa? For what?” Hitori asked, puzzled.

“I won the best presentation out of all.” He said, smiling.

“Wow, congratulations!” Hitori wishes him happily.

“Great, isn’t it?” Tanou smiles too. “It’s not that I never won before. I always won… but, this time, I won because of you.” Tanou said.

Hitori is puzzled. And he can’t speak.

“I was supposed to make three paintings of theme ‘home’. For the first painting, I draw my mess bedroom at first. But, I changed it. I draw this room; our room. And then the second one was the picture of you cooking for me. And lastly, the picture of your dishes. All the lecturers seemed impressed. They said they, too, feel at home just by looking at them. Too bad they keep the paintings with them. If not, I would’ve shown them to you.” Tanou explained. “I won… but this time it is more… meaningful.” He said honestly and get back to his drawing board.

Hitori didn’t know how to respond to that. So, he just keeps his mouth shut. But, deep inside his heart, there’s a warmth feeling. It is so comfortable and soothing. He liked the feeling. It was as if his mother is still around.

Tanou wonders why he had said all that to Hitori. He felt his heart is in pain if he didn’t say it out. He misses Hitori so bad even when he only was separated from him for only three days. He never really ever felt like this before. He heard Hitori is moving behind him to go downstairs. He can’t let him off that easy. He had been separated for so long; he can’t let him out of his sight. “Where are you going?” Tanou asked without looking at Hitori.

“Um?” Hitori is puzzled. “Downstairs. I need to prepare the ingredients before my assistants came.” He explained.

Tanou smiles hideously and look at Hitori. I will have you tonight…, He thought. “Can I lend you a hand?” Tanou asked almost sounding like he’s pleading.

“Okay.” Hitori said after being speechless for a while.

Downstairs, Tanou helps Hitori in preparing all of ingredients and he felt really happy to be there. Hitori didn’t seem to mind at all with Tanou’s presence.

“Hitori, why is it that you prepare all the ingredients yourself before your assistants came? Aren’t it’d be easier if you told them to come earlier?” Tanou asked, wondering.

“Oh, I just like to do it alone. I always had this fear that if someone else interfere, it might tasted differently.” Hitori said without thinking.

Tanou immediately put the ingredients in his hand down, just by hearing it.

“No, Tanou, it’s not like that! You can help. It’s ‘you’ after all, not anyone else. I mean… I mean…” Hitori didn’t know what to say to make things better.

“Oh…” Tanou said and picked the ingredients back up. “You mean, I’m special, is it?” He asked.

“Um?” Hitori didn’t know what to say. But after a while, he let out a shy answer with a real tiny voice almost sounding like a whisper; “yes.”

Tanou only smiles, planting a cruel intention inside his heart; you’ll be mine, tonight…

Tanou continued to help even when Hitori’s assistants arrived. He just simple told them that he is Hitori’s boyfriend when they asked him who he is and Hitori will deny it whole-heartedly but Tanou will just laugh at that silly and innocent Hitori.

***

Tanou is already asleep on his futon at the other end of the room. Hitori is still studying at his table. Hitori felt bad for letting him sleep with the lights on. But, he had to study for tomorrow’s math test. He quickly memorized the formulas so that he can get to bed early and get to turn off the lights for Tanou to sleep more comfortably.

He is now confidence that he had remembered all the formulas so he spread down his futon on the floor and turned off the lights. He lies down, and turns his body towards the sight of Tanou. Tanou slept with his back on Hitori. Hitori just watches him as his eyes are soothing. He began to whisper in his heart; tomorrow could be just another day and also a new beginning… But, he then isn’t able to close his eyes since he saw Tanou is moving. Is he awake? He thought.

Tanou turns his body towards Hitori’s side with eyes wide open. Their eyes met for a moment in shock of each other’s stare. But then, Tanou just smile and Hitori is clueless and stray his eyes from the sight of Tanou. When he looked back at Tanou, he finds that Tanou had already had his eyes closed. He might’ve fallen back asleep…, he thought. Why is it that I’m so interested in him? He is just a guy…, he thought again.

Tanou suddenly woke up from his sleep. He got up and moves his futon to the middle of the room right in front of the window. He then looked at Hitori, smiling. “Come. Pull your futon next to me. The stars are so beautiful tonight…” He said convincingly.

Hitori was shocked at first to figure out that Tanou haven’t asleep yet. But without hesitation, Hitori did as what Tanou had wanted him to do. Now, they are lying side by side, looking at the stars above. It’s true what Tanou had said, the stars are really beautiful. It almost made Hitori felt like he had never seen stars as beautiful as these. Is it really too beautiful? Or is it the feelings that he had within him at that moment that made it all so beautiful? He had thought of how Tanou had been of interest to him and how he ought to be a special someone. He never really ever felt anything like this before. He never even thought of wanting to feel this way. His eyes began to widen as he realize a tiny ache within his heart. It is love…

“You’re not asleep?” Hitori asked.

“Nope.” He simple answered.

“Is it because of the light? I’m sorry about it.” Hitori apologized.

“Not at all… don’t worry about it. You know, you worry too much, Hitori.”

“Oh, is it? I’m sorry…” Hitori apologized again.

“And you apologized too much.” Tanou said, laughing a little. “I noticed that you looked differently during the time you’re cooking and the time you’re studying or reading. Those are all of your activities anyway.” Tanou said, analyzing Hitori’s behavior.

“Really? I never really noticed that. How different am I?” He asked.

“When you’re cooking, you talk a lot and you smile a lot more than you do up here. When you’re studying and reading, you’re so serious. You hardly even say anything to me who is always at the other end of the room, observing you. You never even noticed the fact that I was looking at you.” He said again.

“You’re watching me?” Hitori asked, surprised.

“I’ve always been watching you. Even when I’m not looking at you, I’m aware of everything you do.” Tanou confessed.

“Why?” Hitori asked.

“Because… you are interesting…” Tanou said looking directly into Hitori’s eyes.

Hitori felt his cheek is burning. He is blushing… He didn’t say a word. He’s clueless of what to say.

Tanou then diverge his sight to the stars outside. “Why is it that you’re always alone? Where’s your family?” Tanou asked, changing the subject.

“My mother died when I was 12. My father lives in Okinawa.” Hitori said, looking sad.

“Why didn’t you stay with your father?” Tanou asked.

“I can’t…” Hitori said, not wanting to tell the reason. But then, he opens up a little and began to tell him of his sordid life. “He… went out of his mind when my mother died.” Hitori said not meeting Tanou’s eyes who is paying all his attention to Hitori. “You see, my mother died being hit by a car when she went out looking for me one night. I didn’t came back from school that day so she was worried and went out without even thinking that it is late and dangerous outside.” Hitori said, holding his urge to cry. “I was bullied by the kids from my previous school and could not get up because I’m in pain. I’ve never been hit before. But then, I saw my mother in the distance and when she saw me, she rushed towards me without realizing that a car is driving fast on the road.” Hitori’s tears fall down from his eyes. It is cooling his ears as it got there. He couldn’t say more.

Tanou wipes Hitori’s tears slowly with the end of his fingers not saying anything. There’s a sad look on his eyes. Hitori didn’t want Tanou to sympathize him. But, that look on Tanou’s eyes; they are not of sympathy. He didn’t know what it is but he feels better when he look into Tanou’s eyes.

“My father blamed me for my mother’s death.” Hitori continued. “So, he always had been abusing me. I can’t take it anymore. So, I ran way…” Hitori said. “It’s always better off to be alone.”

Hitori realizes that Tanou’s eyes are shimmering when the light of the moon outside hits his face. He is crying too. He is crying for Hitori.

“Tanou, why are you crying?” Hitori asked, worried.

“Don’t worry about me.” Tanou said and he hugged Hitori.

Hitori can feel Tanou’s weight on top of him. He had never been hugged by anyone for so long so he hugged him too.

“You’re not alone anymore, Hitori.” Tanou said while he is still hugging him, he said those words with his shaking voice; the voice of a crying man. “I’m with you now.” He said. He broke the hug and looked down on Hitori. “Go to sleep.” He ordered him as he strokes his hands along Hitori’s soft hair. “I’m here with you. I’ll take care of you.”

What a soothing voice. His words; they are honest words. They make me feel at ease, Hitori thinks to himself as he closes his eyes and falls fast asleep.

***